Hoda… and my father is the one who told me: Take it off

I thought it was the hardest thing I could hear from people, but when the word came from my father… it broke me.

I was sitting in the living room, wearing the new niqab I’d ordered from Aswa.
It was a soft cashmere color… light, simple, and had a youthful, unconventional style.
I was happy with it and said to myself:
“This is a new step to being comfortable and modest at the same time.”

My father came in and saw me.
He paused for a moment…and then said:

“Do you intend to dress like this in front of me?
If you want to live in my house… take it off.”

That word…
stopped my heart.

It’s not strange for him to say that…
This is my father, whom I’ve always thought of as a reassurance.

I tried to speak calmly:
– “Dad… this is my choice. I’m not forcing it on anyone, but I need this for myself.”

He told me:
— “You’re still young… This niqab is extremism.
I won’t keep quiet while I see my daughter distancing herself from people.”

At that moment, I felt caught between two fires:
The fire of my father’s approval…and the fire of God’s wrath if I compromised.

He doesn’t understand…
I’m not doing this to impress anyone,
or to show that I’m religious.
I wear the niqab to choose myself…
To protect my body…and to ease my heart.

I entered the room, locked the door, and sat on the floor.
I started crying involuntarily.

Not because I got into a fight…
But because my heart was in pain.

I thought that if I wore the Islamic dress, people would fight me…
But I never imagined that the fight would come from the people closest to me.

I sat in silence for an hour…
Then I opened a message from a woman I’d helped choose modest clothing.

She wrote:
“I started wearing abayas for you, Hoda…
I had no idea this dress could be so beautiful.”

This message was God’s response.
I needed to understand…
that what’s happening isn’t a coincidence.
This is a test.
And I’m still standing.

I’m Hoda.
And in my house…I wear a niqab.
Even if those around me don’t see it right.
I see myself…
and God more.

____
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